I Can Stop Anytime… Hockey Addiction
By Sharon Enck
As with any addiction, admitting that you have a problem is the first step…so before your family and friends stage a hockey intervention, does any of this sound familiar?
– The hockey game on TV qualifies as a “date”
– You spend most of said game wishing your date would shut up and keep his hands to himself
– There’s an Arizona Coyotes (or other NHL team) bobblehead on your desk..and you talk to it
– Your kid does the goalie stretch in the dirt at t-ball because she thinks that’s what doing “warm ups” means
– The team sent you a holiday card in a HAND addressed envelope
– There is a “proper” way to bang the glass and you’ve shown others how to do it
– You chant and cheer in your living room…alone
– You are seriously considering naming your next child, boy or girl, Radim, Crosby or Tuukka (wouldn’t a goalie daughter make a beautiful Tuukka?)
– You’ve determined that one team isn’t enough and you start watching any game on (does that make the Coyotes a gateway drug?)
– You are THOROUGHLY convinced that your team didn’t win because you wore the wrong shirt or because you weren’t at the game
– Family vacations are planned around which arenas you haven’t seen a game in…YET
– You talk about players as though they were part of your family
– The ushers at the arena treat you as a part of the family
– 1/3 of your wardrobe has a howling Coyote or Shark or Penguin etc. on it, seek extra help if your underwear does. Not that I know anything about that..AHEM
Other symptoms may include night sweats, headaches and feelings of anxiety when you haven’t seen a live game in two weeks.
Users may also experience great bouts of euphoria on a winning streak and depression over a shootout loss.
Don’t discontinue use, just get two tickets and call me in morning.
