The Tale of the Giant and The Bug

By Rochelle Bergman

This is a tale. A tale where some of the people in it are not as well as can be. Do not worry, my readers. As the New Year is almost upon us, the unwell ones will become well once again.

This is the Christmas tale of the giant called the NHL and the little bug we will call the mumps. For the little mumps to play havoc on the giant, the mumps send in their little germs which we will call the army. This army can spread in the dressing rooms, ice rink areas and on the bench.

Where do we find the army? We find the army in the snot, spit, blood and sweat of the players. Yuk! This is a mighty powerful army which has broken down 16 players, 2 referees and 1 radio intern so far. It also has hit the AHL as well.

How does this little army travel so well in this giant? Lets look around in the home of the giant first. Manners in the giant are not always the first thought. When one has a runny nose usually a tissue is needed. A player has no time for this foolishness so he exhales it out, by closing one nostril. Players spit. They do it a lot. It could be as a result of the mouth guards, but still. They spit on the ice, on the floor of the bench area and other not so known places. It’s a cesspool of mighty little army germs.

I feel like I need a shower right about now!

I can tell you the mumps are having a swell time, they are passing their army around the giant at a fast pace way. The giant is helping them even. Take water bottles. Each player usually has their own but as a game progresses and the excitement grows, the players just pick any old bottle up and drink. I see a germ party starting and a handful of them are taking up dance lessons on the lip of the bottle!

The NHL’s line of defense is the Trainers. But it is to hard for them in a game setting to keep the towels fresh and the water bottles clean. I still feel I need a shower! When it comes to towels, lo and behold it is scary! When the players come to the bench they usually grab a towel, any towel. Did another player use it before? Who knows.

Blood. Yes players do bleed, we have watched them bleed from many parts of their bodies. The mumps look at this as a great way of breaking down the defense of the giant. They are in! Again towels are shared but not on purpose.

The giant has became aware of this small bug and the havoc it is causing. The giant is telling their players and other staff to get all of their ‘shots’ so the army cannot spread much more.

Sanitize! You heard it here first, my readers! The giant has thought that by cleaning up its act a bit, it can start to fight by sanitizing the arenas and player’s areas. It might work after all and the mumps might back away. No matter what happens if the underlying causes are not addressed, this mighty little army will come back and rear its head again.

And for me? I really need to take a shower now!